*shakes head and tries hard not to seriously, in reality, break down into tears* I don't know what to do now. I really don't. This post will just be a bumbling bunch of nonsense, but I can't help it, because I need it out somewhere. Insulting and blaming someone won't get me anywhere, because clearly all that did was get everything from bad to worse. Maybe I'll just get to the point and then rant on and on about it afterwards; in short, I've decided to temporarily give up my rotation.
I don't do this by choice; oh no, I seriously didn't scramble all week to reup everything after my Sendspace account was deleted to end up having to get rid of the entire rotation, because the post was suspended by LJ. Now, whoever this is, they've got me; I give up! I don't want anymore trouble, because I don't want anything happening to my LJ. It's more to me than my silly rotations: I post my stories (and by God, those DAMN well belong to ME, even though hardly anyone takes a look at them) and I've gotten to know and write to so many amazing people that I'd feel stranded without it.
It's true that I myself have thought of it for so long, simply because it's become a lot of work for me and as the number of downloads went up, the number of comments went down, which did get very frustrating for me, but I certainly didn't want to be forced into it. I've been so sick (I've relapsed into the flu right on the break that's ending up becoming a really *wonderful* one) and yet I was trying to get everything up, because I thought it was the right thing to do after everything got deleted, so this is almost laughably cruel, it really is.
I suppose the goal of this little thing (meant for friends only, and should have been locked like that ages ago, and I absolutely loathe myself now for not doing so) of introducing international, non-mainstream artists so people like me can then go and support something both good to listen to and that we can believe in, that is, lesser known, underappreciated artists just backfired on me. And you know what's so frustrating for me? You're stopping nothing by getting rid of me; I got the stuff from the tens of thousands of sources out there distributing it: torrents, blogs, p2p programs, forums, and contrary to a lot of these places, I really did want to only review an artist by sampling from them (after doing considerable research) and saying what I thought, so that others can enjoy and get more of it elsewhere (quite possibly by buying the albums... I know I did). I mean, each and every link I ever put up had a maximum of 15 downloads anyways; if that isn't between friends, then I don't know what is.
Another frustrating thing is the fact, and I just want to cry from this alone, that they were all Swedish artists, and awww, if anyone out there knows me, I love anything Swedish. So, it hurts a lot. I don't know if I want to know who the offended party was, but I hope it was someone I *didn't* like, so then I never, ever inadvertently buy anything from them. There! That will be as close to blaming and insulting as I'm getting. Right now, I'm just so sick and tired of all this stress and drama, *especially* when I was having an amazing day before all this happened (escalating sickness aside), so thank you very much for that and believe me, I care too much about my journal that no one reads and my silly account to go against anyone. The rotation, nearly three weeks in the making, has been deleted; all recent rotations have been friends locked, though there's not a single working link on it.
If this rotation does return, and it will probably do so in a few weeks in as best a way as I see fit, it'll definitely, definitely be friends-only from now on. Please note this!!
PS. Sorry about the length and my thanks if you do end up reading through it.
PPS. I slept and thought on it and wanted to apologize for the huge rant above. I did think of editing parts of it out, but thought I shouldn't, simply because at the time, a few minutes after getting that icky LJ email, I felt this and so much more. And that above is not the most frustrating thing, because the fact that I really have no right to complain beats all that. I can bitch about it, but there's no point to it. I've been at this, almost every week, for almost 6 years; that's insane, even to me, so I should be thankful (and believe me, I was SO relieved to read it was only one stupid entry that was suspended) that it wasn't anything more. Also, I realize and know of a few examples where people just laugh off these things and keep going, but I'm too much of a coward to do that. Maybe I overreacted a bit in canceling it, but it's the best thing I can do for the least risk involved. I'll think more about the rotation and we'll see how it goes, okay? This is too much of my life to give up forever, I think. Finally, in all my anger last night, I didn't get a chance to thank my visitors; thanks for sticking with me through all the changes this rotation has gone through and for being so supportive. I checked my inbox this morning and found 27 comments there; I felt like crying! You guys are amazing and the number one reason why I regret putting it on hiatus in this way, but watch out, Mimi will be back!!!
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here through the comments are not necessarily mine. Don't uh, punish me anymore, because I've got some pretty great LJ-friends. ^__^v
Current Mood: 
absolutely heartbroken
Current Music: Tiarra - Ielele